Ryouji and Katsuragi - Vignette 2001
by the Cheshire Cat
Summary: If only there were more chances left in this world, apart from regrets and desperation.


Never Meant What I Said Before  
I'm Waiting For You Still  
A vignette of Kaji Ryouji and Misato Katsuragi  
By Rei ^death^ Himura  
a.k.a paradoxical jester  
  
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Disclaimer: All this while you're on FFdotNet and you don't know? Oh the horror... the horror... I don't own em. There.  
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I never did say goodbye to her eight years ago.  
  
How could I?  
  
When she was all I could ever think about, this image of loveliness that hovered at the edge of my mind.   
  
Forever taunting me with her smile, her curves and her vivacious personality.  
  
I could still remember the night we supposedly parted.  
  
Walking back home bare-footed together, the crescent moon winking down mischievously at us.  
  
We were slightly drunk, which was a big accomplishment.   
  
She had this giggly school-girl look on her face, dreamy stars in her eyes and her lips curled up into a smug and satiated smile.  
  
Then she looked at me, and I felt my heart lurch almost involuntarily.  
  
How long had it been like that?  
  
How long had I unknowingly known?  
  
When had I fallen into that mysterious slide of love, blindly handing her my heart only to have it ripped up and torn viciously with her nails.  
  
And yet still, even after all that was between us, I still felt that same old tingling reaction whenever I was around her.  
  
That feeling foolish poets call...  
  
Love...  
  
*****  
  
The stars shimmered, I had learnt long ago they don't just sparkle and wink.  
  
Every time I gaze out on the balcony, that tropical penguin would come waddling beside my leg and I'd hoist him up so we could both view the vast expanse of the night sky.  
  
The same night that I told him the pair of us could never truly be.  
  
Do I feel regret over what I've done?  
  
Maybe.  
  
Perhaps.  
  
Oh gods yes...  
  
I had fallen in love with him then, only to realise that he was exactly becoming like the man whom I had once despised.  
  
The man who was my father.  
  
Devoted and loyal to his work.  
  
Talented and knowledgeable in his field.  
  
And so I had to end things with him.   
  
End it all before it was too late.  
  
I didn't want to get tangled with a man who was so much like my late father.  
  
That one man whom I used to love and respect, who had turned away from me in that pathetic lie that was to save me.  
  
Didn't they all know that I would go to the ends of the earth and back for them?  
  
That I didn't care what happened to me as long as I was with them?  
  
But no. That's the one stupid thing with men. They've got this whole macho image that should have resembled a knight's code of honour.  
  
Only to me it seemed so much like a selfish plot to get me out of their way.  
  
Out of their lives.  
  
Why couldn't he just say that?  
  
Why did he have to let me be the one to break things off?  
  
Why?  
  
*****  
  
They sat, a few meters apart, both watching as the sun slowly set across the horizon, casting an ethereal glow on the majestic buildings of Tokyo-3.  
  
"You never were usually this silent." He commented after a moment of intense silence. She gave him a non-commital shrug.  
  
"People change."   
  
"Yeah... I guess..." More silence, the city was slowly coming alive as the various buildings lit up like a christmas tree. He turned towards her this time, his rueful blue eyes taking in her profile in the waning sunlight.  
  
Yet even all these years she hadn't changed. Still so beautiful, still so magnificent. So heart-rendingly lovely.  
  
"You never did tell me why you returned, or why you took up the same job your father did when he passed away. Avenging his death?" She turned to face him, the look in his eyes sharp.  
  
"I did what was necessary of me. I wanted to prevent third impact from happening. I don't want the Children to have to go through what I did."  
  
"Isn't that for them to decide?" There was silence again and she opted to just stare at the skies. A hand cupped her chin, forcing her to look at him again. Her hand reached up to grasp his wrist, but fell back.  
  
"You never asked me why I returned." He whispered, his voice so soft and delicate that it wounded her heart.  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Because of you." He smiled now, the skin surrounding his eyes creasing. She noted, he had changed too.  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Because... I forgot to say those words eight years ago." She braced herself for the impact of farewell, her body going cold and numb. He leaned closer until their lips were nearly aligned to one another.  
  
"W-what?"  
  
"I love you..."  
  
***  
  
It was strange how life and fate could go hand in hand together to deal you such a cruel and hurtful blow.  
  
I lie here, bleeding to my death. A fatal wound, a bullet lodged into my liver. With the bile rushing out and invading my system, in no time at all would I undeniably be poisoned to death.  
  
But it seemed like the perfect death.  
  
For someone... like me.  
  
And only days before I was cursing the gods why they had to take away the one person who meant the world to me. The one person who knew my teen goals and dreams, the one and only person whom I truly... deeply loved.  
  
But as I said before, life was cruel and fate even more so.  
  
I gave Shinji my love, my blessing and dare I say it? My luck. I did all I could to help him, to help the Children, all the while knowing that my efforts were futile and useless.  
  
But it was the one and only thing I could do.  
  
What was it that he told me? That no matter what one does, no matter how useless it seemed, there was always a reason and a consequence for it.  
  
I only hope that now, as I lay watching the world around me fade to black, that Shinji would do his best; snap out of his self-inflicted catharsis and save the world.  
  
How ironic...  
  
I told Kaji the reason I worked for Nerv was to prevent Third impact. And thus I failed.  
  
How ironic... this life we lead.  
  
Kaji, wait for me. I'm coming. 


End file.
